4 Ways to Let Go of Career Identity and Define Yourself in Retirement
Retirement marks a significant transition, challenging many to redefine their sense of self beyond their career. This article explores effective ways to let go of work-related identity and embrace new opportunities in retirement. Drawing on insights from experts in the field, readers will discover practical strategies for reclaiming their lives, nurturing family relationships, and uncovering a renewed sense of purpose in their post-career years.
- Reclaim Your Life Beyond Work Identity
- Embrace New Opportunities with Patience
- Family Time Replaces Corporate Leadership
- Discover Your New Self in Retirement
Reclaim Your Life Beyond Work Identity
Redefining Retirement: It's Not About Leaving Work — It's About Reclaiming Your Life
Most people ask the wrong question:
"How did you define yourself outside of work?"
But the real question is,
"How did you define work outside of yourself?"
Because for a lot of people, work came first — and life got the leftovers.
I've coached hundreds of clients through career transitions, and one of the most overlooked (and emotionally charged) shifts is retirement. Especially for those who wrapped their identity around their job title, their schedule, their income, or their perceived importance. Letting go of that identity can feel like letting go of themselves.
That's why my first piece of advice is this: stop asking what to do with your time. Start asking who you are when you're not doing anything. That's where the gold is. That's where your values live.
When I wrote my book, "Check! Your Guide to Creating a Life Transforming Bucket List," it wasn't because I wanted people to write down 100 things and check them off like a shopping list. It was because I kept seeing the same pattern in coaching: people couldn't figure out what they wanted, because they didn't know what mattered to them anymore. So I flipped the model.
In the book — and in coaching — I ask people to write their bucket list not to plan a vacation, but to reverse-engineer a life. What lights you up? What have you always dreamed of doing? What would you regret not doing? Those answers don't just reveal your goals — they reveal your core values. And once you know those, you can rebuild your life to honor them — even in retirement.
For me, I didn't stop working and suddenly discover who I was. I redefined work. I made it an extension of my values — service, meaning, impact — and I started showing up in new ways. I became a life coach. I run a farm animal rescue. I paddleboard with my dogs. I write books. I still work. But I don't live to work. I work in a way that supports the life I've intentionally built.
So if you're struggling to let go of your career identity, ask a different question:
What kind of life do you want — and how does work serve it, rather than swallow it?
Because your legacy isn't your resume. It's how you lived. And it's never too late to change the story.
Embrace New Opportunities with Patience
One piece of advice I would offer to anyone finding it difficult to let go of their career identity is this: give yourself time and grace. Retirement is a major life transition, not just in schedule, but in how your body and nervous system adjust to a new way of living. For years, your days were likely shaped by work, responsibilities, and routines. Stepping away from that rhythm might feel disorienting at first. Now, instead of seeing this shift as just a loss, try to view it as an opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been set aside. For example, what dreams, hobbies, or experiences have been on an indefinite pause due to work? Perhaps this might be the right time to explore them.
It is also helpful to remember that your career (while meaningful) may have defined you in ways that did not leave much room for other aspects of who you are. Think of it like this: retirement is not about erasing your past, but about expanding your sense of self. Many of the qualities that served you well at work, like your creativity, reliability, leadership, etc., can be used in new and fulfilling ways. It is similar to using flour: the same ingredient can make both bread and cake, depending on what you wish to make. This is exactly like your skills and values now. They still matter and will simply be expressed differently and on your own terms. So, dear reader, let's get baking. Your new identity is waiting for you to discover it.
Family Time Replaces Corporate Leadership
I have a stepmother who retired at the age of 57. She was a senior executive at Lehman Brothers, which folded a few years after she retired.
She once led as many as 300 people worldwide and played a pivotal role in protecting the company from the Y2K bug about 25 years ago. She was a rarity, a high-level executive who built her career from the 1970s to the early 2000s. Growing up, I always had the feeling she was at war with someone every single day.
When she retired, she had her immediate family and step-family to deal with on a daily basis, not the 300 people worldwide who called her "boss."
I remember having dinner with her one day on a vacation by a beach in Georgia. I gave her this advice, as she meticulously planned a family vacation and scheduled every day down to the minute:
"Your family is not your staff. It's okay to simply relax and enjoy your time with us. You did the work. This is what you worked for."
Needless to say, she did not want to hear that from me. But over time, she has traveled a lot. And it became her identity. She's been retired for almost 20 years now, and between cruises and traveling through several countries and US states, she is no longer treating her own family like a team of direct reports.
Discover Your New Self in Retirement
One piece of advice I would give to someone looking to redefine themselves in retirement is this: stop defending who you were and start discovering who you can become. Often, we feel the need to hold on to our past identities from our corporate careers, which can prevent us from exploring new possibilities in this next phase of life.
A simple way to embrace this idea is by going through your closet and trying on outfits in new ways. The styles you wore in the corporate world may not fit your new lifestyle, so think about how you can redesign your outward appearance to reflect your inner growth.
This transition is an opportunity to let go of the idea that you must continue doing things the way you've always done them. Consider rearranging furniture in your home or making small changes to your environment. These actions can help you identify a new identity and discover talents you may not even realize you possess.
